PUSSYCAT OR PANTHER?

Are you a tiger or a kitten in bed? Lusty ladies will tell you that men prefer a naughty but nice roll in the hay.

ASK ANY HOT-BLOODED male what he prefers: Olivia Newton John as virginal Sandy at the beginning of the movie, Grease , or at the end when Sandy gets naughty. My male friends unanimously said the raunchier version is the one that they want.

Maybe that's a little too far back to remember, so how about closer to the present when Bridget Jones unashamedly shed all her inhibitions (and granny panties) to jump her boss played by Hugh Grant in the movie Bridget Jones's Diary . Now that's one woman who is notafraid of her sexuality to set the bedroom aflame.

Supporting her behaviour is Rob, a chef, who says, “I like a woman who is comfortable with her body, she need not have a derrière like J.Lo's, and is proud of her womanhood. I really appreciate it if a woman takes the lead and initiates sex. This makes me feel like she desires me as much as I do her.”

Too Hot To Handle

Before you think that vampy is good and prudish is bad, let's first analyse how far you can take your vamp act before it turns vulgar and transforms you into a cheap tramp. And who better to know about these things than a man? Web designer, Jules, says, “I love it when my girlfriend communicates with me by talking while we're having sex.

No not the type with vulgar words – that's a turn off. What really turns me on is when she says things like, ‘harder, slower, softer, deeper'… you know, words of encouragement. It worries me if she is silent in bed.”

That's true, if you're so afraid to speak up in bed, then you might not get the right satisfaction. You need to reinforce a man's belief that he is a sex hottie. If you keep quiet during sex, how is a man to know where your erogenous spots are? You must understand that sometimes a man has no sense of direction when it comes to these things, but ask him where to go for inexpensive auto parts and he could take you there blindfolded. And speaking of auto parts, remember some men cannot tell the difference between a clitoris and a carburettor.

So don't feel that if you guide him it will seem like you're a woman of ill repute. A confident, sensitive, new age man will really appreciate that bit of guidance to find your pleasure points. Sometimes a girl must take charge of her own orgasms.

Another rule to remember is that you have to dress the part. If you don't want sex that night, by all means crawl into bed with your flannel jammies. But if it's sex you want, get the gear out. Think G-strings, Victoria Secrets bra and panty set and sexy negligée. The black leather outfit a la Liv Tyler in One Night At McCool's is not exactly vamping it up.

Rob summarises, “It's very scary to see a woman in a Dominatrix suit. I will only have sex with her out of fear that she might cut off my appendage if I don't do as she commands.”

Prude And Prejudice

So maybe all men have been brought up on sexual fodder consisting of R-rated movies. So to be fair, I turned to my group of girl friends who have enough carnal knowledge to make Dr Joyce Brothers blush. So I put forth this question: would a man prefer them to be virginal in bed? “Heck no.

When I'm not sexually overcharged I can't psyche myself into feeling sexy and this translates to me just going through the motions in bed. You know, counting cracks on the ceiling. My husband hates it when I'm that way because I'm just lying there and not participating,” Josephine, a dancer, reveals. But how does one get all sexually psyched up? For starters, the brain is an amazing organ. All athletes go through an exercise called Positive Visualisation (PV) where they see themselves winning a race and they keep playing that scene over and over again in their heads right up until they're at the starting block on the track.

Similarly, you must use PV in your sex life. Here's one good example from PR consultant, Bridget, “I prep myself for sex by concentrating on my five senses. I make sure that I am fully aware of my senses like I'll deliberately wear satin undies, use his cologne and make sure that I become aware of every morsel of food I put into my mouth that day. It helps if I eat foods that are phallic symbols.”

Naughty And Spice

Some people would construe that by doing that you border on being a woman of ill repute. No, just think of it as being alluring. Being as bad as you want to be is a good thing, as mentioned above, as long as it is all done within reason and within legal limits. Here are more ways to become a sex goddess without swinging in the extreme direction of too good or too bad.

• Compliment him when he does something you enjoy and in the same tone, tell him what you find offensive.

• Develop a signature sex move. It need not be a direct stimulation but the whole act itself from foreplay to orgasm. So that he'll look forward to what's coming (oops, pardon the pun) every time you have sex.

• Never let sex get ho-hum. Do it in various places in the home – a bit dodgy if you live with the in-laws or your parents. Try various techniques too. There are books out there that are very clinical about such things. The Kama Sutra isn't your only guide.

• Just go with the flow. The friskier and risque-r you are, the more you'll both be sexually satisfied.

• Leave the Barbara Cartland-type heroine within the confines of the paperback novel. It doesn't work in reality.