how to make your in-laws love you…

…without selling your soul

There are ways to create harmony in what is frequently a tricky relationship – without losing your mind, your heart, or your sense of self.

THE PROBLEMS
They Inconvenience My Life
All right, perhaps that’s a little extreme. But it did happen toGinny*, who had to tolerate her in-laws’ presence during their honeymoon in Phuket. “I was looking forward to a romantic getaway, but instead I had to mind my Ps and Qs.” His folks even stayed in the same hotel and insisted on joining the newly-weds for breakfast and dinner.

And there are cases of in-laws calling on the mobile phone during a meeting, demanding to know where their son is and whether he can come over and fix their television set.

I Have No Privacy
“Some mothers-in-law don’t understand privacy. They barge in without knocking. During the day, while you’re at the office, they may go through your things while cleaning your room.

We’re Living Under One Roof
For *Lee Chin, her full-time live-in motherin- law is proving so difficult, she cannot even bring herself to try to get along with the woman. *Lee Chin and *Desmond bought their flat together. She didn’t know until a month before their wedding dinner that the plan was *Desmond’s mother, a widow, would sell her own place and move in with them.

We Have DifferentViews On Kids
For *Serene’s part, she is caught in the predicament that many wives find themselves in, especially those who depend on their husband’s parents to take care of their little ones. Being grandparents, they can sometimes be too lenient.

We Constantly Disagree
*Anna is always finding herself squabbling with her sister-in-law or her mother-in-law about everything from big to small.

THE SOLUTIONS
Consider Family Expectations
Have a heart-to-heart talk with the fiancé about his family. This means discus-sing what everyone’s expectations are and how these expectations might be met.

Live Separately
It may be said that most of the “in-law” problems crop up when there’s too much proximity and you are forced into a set-up where you must adjust to people who are virtual strangers while you begin to build your life together. While this is not always possible, it is the ideal.

Be Honest But Respectful
The other thing *Natalie suggests is being honest with your in-laws. “If you don’t like a dish or the way things are arranged, say so politely and make an alternative suggestion. If you have a problem and are not in the mood to talk, let them know, but always with a smile.” Your in-laws can’t read your mind. Keeping things in will only make you resentful.

Little Gestures Are Important
*Theresa, a homemaker, says to treat your hubby’s folks the way you treat anyone you like. Overlook the little things that seem odd or strange to you. And win them over with little gestures, little things.

Make it a point to record all their birthdays and send them a birthday card. *Theresa knew that her mother-in-law liked a certain perfume, so when she saw it was on sale, she picked up a bottle and sent it over. “She was so happy and so touched.”

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